I work part time. Partly by choice, to spend time with my son, but partly because I have fibromyalgia and simply do not have the strength to work full time and raise my son. So I opted to live as frugally as possible. But when Legal Aid told me they couldn't help me because I made $60/month too much my frustration started.
I was advised of an appeal process due to being so close to the limit but unfortunately most of the financial documents were not in my possession. My fault, not their's. So I had to go to court on my own. Not entirely difficult for me. I go to court regularly but not family court and not up against a man that intimidated me and had a history of bullying me to get what he wanted when we were apparently in a "loving" marriage.
I was advised of an appeal process due to being so close to the limit but unfortunately most of the financial documents were not in my possession. My fault, not their's. So I had to go to court on my own. Not entirely difficult for me. I go to court regularly but not family court and not up against a man that intimidated me and had a history of bullying me to get what he wanted when we were apparently in a "loving" marriage.
At court he had a fair argument for wanting joint custody rather than giving up parental rights. Fine. I agree that he should be able to easily take my son to the doctor, clinic, ER, etc and have access to health and education records. I countered with wanting the distinction of Primary Care-giver. After all, my son lives with me, I teach him more life skills and have been the only one looking after clothing him since he was born. No go. After each of us discussing options with duty counsel that day we opted for mediation. Mistake No 1 on my part - should have moved to Family Case Conference; my own lawyer would have been helpful here.
During my intake interview with the mediator I was asked, "Do you have any concerns about your son's safety when with his father?" YES. I told her of the times his dad hit him in the head, how my son managed to drink a bottle of infant tylenol (that his father refused to move because I left it on the coffee table not him), the time I had to come home from work to take my son to the clinic half a block from our apartment after he fell on the baseboard heaters causing third degree burns on his hands. His dad didn't think the burns required medical attention. The mediator responded "By law I have to report him to the Ministry."
Terrified I actually hid out after the social worker came to my house to advise that they received the complaint from the mediator and wanted to know more before contacting my son's dad. Fair enough. I told them what I told the mediator stressing that I FEARED this man as he has a temper and is prone to verbally abusive behaviour. From that point until a few days later I refused to stay at home. I screened all phone calls. Last thing I wanted was to hear the fall out from being denied access to my son.
After things calmed down I had a second interview, more thorough interview with the social worker assigned to my case not just the after hours social worker. She repeatedly told me that I was negligent in caring for my child by staying with my husband after the first hitting incident and that I should have left then. That I endangered my son by trying to uphold my wedding vows. WTF?!? So in an attempt to avoid being found guilty of neglect and child endangerment along with the fear of what my ex would do to me I tried to emphasize the other incidents rather than the hitting that worried me the most.
A few weeks later the social worker advised that the Ministry found my ex guilty of child abuse, had reported him to the police but was allowing unsupervised visits again because of compliance with the investigation. All he had to do was REGISTER (not attend) a parenting course. She also told me that the police would most likely NOT press charges based on the cooperative nature of the child abuser.
Great. So now my ex can pull my son out of daycare whenever he wants, without telling me and I have to worry about his safety. As if it's not hard enough to be a single mom I have a legitimate reason to check my son daily for unexplained bruising. It's not even so much that I think my ex is still hitting my child. It's that the lack of care and attention that caused the Tylenol & burn incident that scare me most.
What's worse is being back in court, without the promised letter from the social worker, without a lawyer and facing a man still furious for being labelled a child abuser by the Ministry. Wanting to end my nightmare quickly as the stress is causing me fibromyalgia flare-ups I enter a Consent Order for daily access (he's not going to back down on this). All I can do is hope nothing more happens to my son until his dad goes back to school and my beautiful, little boy is in a safe daycare.
This is why I feel betrayed by the system that is set up to protect my child. How much damage needs to be done before they'll care? How can I trust them the next time I suspect neglect and/or abuse? How many more stories are there like mine? Or even worse, how many abusers go undisciplined while good parents fight for their children back?
Great. So now my ex can pull my son out of daycare whenever he wants, without telling me and I have to worry about his safety. As if it's not hard enough to be a single mom I have a legitimate reason to check my son daily for unexplained bruising. It's not even so much that I think my ex is still hitting my child. It's that the lack of care and attention that caused the Tylenol & burn incident that scare me most.
What's worse is being back in court, without the promised letter from the social worker, without a lawyer and facing a man still furious for being labelled a child abuser by the Ministry. Wanting to end my nightmare quickly as the stress is causing me fibromyalgia flare-ups I enter a Consent Order for daily access (he's not going to back down on this). All I can do is hope nothing more happens to my son until his dad goes back to school and my beautiful, little boy is in a safe daycare.
This is why I feel betrayed by the system that is set up to protect my child. How much damage needs to be done before they'll care? How can I trust them the next time I suspect neglect and/or abuse? How many more stories are there like mine? Or even worse, how many abusers go undisciplined while good parents fight for their children back?
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